May 2006

The cellular etiquette meme continues.  This latest column, from the IndyStar, has Martha Stewart giving advice on boudoir color schemes, plus appropriate cellular phone etiquette.  If you’re going to paint your walls cranberry, a “blend of dramatic reds and soothing blues”, says Martha, use bright accessories to complement the walls.  And when answering a cellphone, “Remember that it’s impolite to answer a cell phone while someone is in mid-sentence.”  … or with your mouth full of food, Martha.

Meanwhile, Karen Ali – the NewsTimesLive.com Goddess of Truth - gives advice to the annoyed boy who’s girlfriend carries on several conversations at once, some on the cellphone, and some live.  Says Wayne “Like, my girlfriend will call me on her cell phone and talk to me but then start talking to other people passing her by in the hallway or wherever she’s calling me from — without telling me, “Hold on a sec.””

Regarding business meetings and cell phones, Michelle Mitchell, associate director of career services at Michigan State College of Law and certified etiquette trainer, says “Your phone should not be on during a business meeting. There are a few exceptions – let’s say your grandmother is in surgery and you’re waiting for a call. Put the phone on vibrate and explain … that you may be getting a call. If that happens, remove yourself from the table, keep the call brief and when you come back, apologize for the interruption. Thank the person for their understanding, and that’s the end of it . If the situation is so serious you need to take another call, you shouldn’t be conducting business.”

And finally, from the Wahpeton Daily News, comes this gem on the intrusion of the cell phone onto the golf course. 

The guy in the group ahead of us IS the group ahead of us. He’s playing by himself, but he’s playing two, four or seven balls (depending on how he feels about his first, third or sixth shot). The round is moving about as quickly as John Daly sauntering away from an all-you-can-eat buffet with a bank of slot machines right next to the fried chicken.

So I stand at my ball for a while. I judge the wind. I select my club. I tell a joke that I could never repeat in this medium (but here’s the punch-line: “Sounds like my last date.”). Finally, the guy holes out his putt from 28 feet (don’t be surprised, it took him eight attempts from that very spot).

And then his cell phone rings.

He stands on the green, answers the phone and has a conversation. About what, I don’t know. Maybe it was something important. Probably it was one of his friends informing him that the jerk store called and they were running out of him.

ringelepsy n., chronic illness characterized by the inability to ignore a ringing telephone. 

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